I never really had a friend’s group. I always had friends, but was not in a group. I never felt like I quite fit into a group and to be perfectly honest I was always OK with that. I was often turned off by groups in high school because I would see girls not invite other girls simply because they were not in their group. Or I would see a girl talk really badly about some girls in her group because they had to be friends since they were in the same group despite the fact that they didn’t really like each other. I like to be friends with who I want to be friends with and I wasn’t about investing my time with someone I do not want to be friends with. But of course, there are benefits to being in a friend group and in some ways I missed out not being in one.
Dating and marrying Doug who went to college with many of his friends from his high school group was really intriguing to me and obviously quite opposite from me. Not only had I never really been part of a friend group, I went to college knowing NOBODY who went there. I was also pretty far from home. I made a lot of really good, lifelong friends in college but we only go as far back as when we met in college. Doug and his friends have history, have roots, have memories upon memories. It’s awesome, even though there were times I gave Doug a hard time about his friends and how close they were.
Like Doug and his friend’s awesome New Year’s Eve tradition where they only spent it with the guys. Doug and I were engaged and the guys finally decided to invite significant others in on their celebration. I jokingly said I brought my permission slip from mom and dad for the coed hangout.
Or the fact that they had a two bedroom apartment but they all slept on mattresses in one room!
And the time that one friend was moving away after college and they had three going away parties and Doug acted as if he was never going to see his friend again. Oh and the time that friend who moved away (and had three going away parties)…moved back MONTHS later =)
For those of you who know me…I like to give Doug a hard time about just about everything…So I will stop with those three =) Luckily this isn’t a sports blog, so I know he is not reading.
But I digress…
Here’s the point of my post. (Yes I do have a point)
Last night I got a front row seat into watching Doug and his friends come together and be fully present in a moment and it deeply touched my heart. Doug’s friend Pete’s parents in the last year have both been diagnosed with serious conditions. Pete’s dad has a neurological disorder which in some ways is like dementia.
He is mentally there but the communication from his brain to other parts of his body have been compromised so things like talking and eating are difficult. His mom has been taking care of her husband in ways she hadn’t had to before his diagnosis and was adjusting to that when she was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer. She had a surgery a couple of weeks ago and is about to start chemo. Doug thought it would be nice to bring our baby boys to meet and visit with Dawn as she was recovering from surgery at her parent’s house. Doug’s friend James and Miles also came.
We talked for a little and caught up but then Dawn (Pete’s mom) suggested we sing some songs together. Hymns. It is not everyday I sing hymns and when I do I am in church. But singing hymns at Pete’s grandparents house is not the only thing that caught me off guard (in a good way.) It was being in a family room where everyone was fully present. We sang to our creator with our voices. Nobody brought flowers. Nobody brought cookies. Nobody brought presents, but they brought presence. Everyone in that room was there and I don’t mean just in the physical sense.
That night I got a taste of something that left me wanting more. The world needs more of people’s presence. We need the friends that show up despite the hustle and bustle of everyday life. The friends that put their phones down and really listen. The friends that know when poop hits the fan, you are going to need support not just in that moment but months down the road. We not only need people and friends like that in our lives, but we need to be those type of people and friends as well.
I want to be a friend that shows up. I want to be a friend that is fully present.
As I reflected on the night I thought about the bible verse Luke 10:38-42:
38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[b] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
Martha was distracted making preparations (unfortunately sounds a lot like me in my “busy” life,) but Mary sat and listened to her guest. What is it that Mary chose that was better?
I have a feeling it had to do with present, the adjective not the noun. Martha had her guest in her house and was busy preparing for the visit, while Mary was doing just that…visiting with her guest. Being with her guest. Listening to her guest. Who are you? A Mary or a Martha? This world would be a better place with more of people’s presence..
How different would your life be?
Be present.
I am Savannah Grace 