I am absolutely my own worst critic. Sometimes I tell myself I am a bad friend, a bad wife, a bad teacher, a bad daughter, and today it was I am a bad mom. I got impatient, raised my voice, and had many, many thoughts of things I would rather be doing than pulling the boys off the wall they shouldn’t be climbing for the gazallionth time!!! My husband has been out of town and with my new teaching job, new online shop, and 20 month new twins 😉 I found myself running on empty.
I think we have all found ourselves at this point. It’s not a good feeling. I count down until it’s the boys bedtime just waiting for that silence, chance to sit, and just take a break, and after five minutes of just that, I want to wake them up and do the day over. I feel like I failed them. And honestly I just feel like a bad mom. But I’m not a bad mom, I just had a bad day. And honestly my day altogether wasn’t even that bad. I just had bad moments. And for some reason, I am letting those bad moments define my day and my quality as a mom. Bad day versus a bad mom is an important clarification to make.
The boys are sleeping and I sat on the couch and just kind of ran through the day in my head. And the bad moments just flashed in my head and I started to feel horrible. I even realized I forgot to feed the dog dinner. I had a friend visiting for most of the day and loved every minute catching up with her, but after she left and I found out my husbands flight was cancelled I went downhill fast! So I decided instead of doing the dishes in the sink, or putting all the toys away I would sit and crack open a book I have been waiting to read, but just never make the time for.
Hope Unfolding Grace-Filled Truth for the momma’s heart. Guys, I didn’t even make it past the cover and I felt myself wanting to cry. There’s just something about that G word that touched my soul tonight.
There’s NOTHING I did today that got me any closer or any further from God’s grace and love. In my best moment and in my worst moment there God’s grace was. And that my friends is the truth. That grace-filled truth I needed to be reminded of tonight. I want to reflect on Him and not on me. I want to live on truths and not my name calling lies I tell myself. I don’t want to run on empty but on grace that meets me where I am at and not where I should be, so that I can extend grace to those I encounter tomorrow. How can I extend grace to others, if I myself have not tasted it?
Thank you Lord for not giving me a second chance, but giving me grace. You give me chance after chance after chance after chance…Not to earn grace but to accept it. Tonight, I open both hands and humbly accept. And I thank you for giving me a new day tomorrow with my boys and a chance to make it a good day, but even if I have bad moments…Thanks for offering me grace in every one one of those moments. May I always remember Your grace is free, but it isn’t cheap.
2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
Now onto page 1 after I feed the dog! 🙂
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