As some of you know when Doug and I went in for our ultrasound to find out the genders of our fraternal twins we were told Baby A was a girl and Baby B was a boy. In fact when the ultrasound tech zoomed in on Baby A her words were, “Yep, that is 100 percent a girl. Well long story short, we have two boys which we did find out before their birth day (fortunately.)
For about five weeks I thought I was carrying a girl and boy. In all honesty I thought a lot more about my girl in those weeks. Partly because I really thought I was carrying two boys so it was a surprise, and partly because I really liked imagining what a wonderful girl/woman I could be a part of raising. I thought about my flaws and mistakes and how I could help steer her away from those so she could be a better person than me. Her name was going to be Savannah Grace and in my hopes and prayers she was going to be a sassy Proverbs woman. And I couldn’t wait to meet her and introduce her to the world she would change.
When it was confirmed that I was not having a girl but in fact having two boys, it was a weird feeling. I don’t feel right about saying the word disappointed because I wanted healthy babies, and especially all that we had gone through to get pregnant I was hitting the jackpot with twins. But it was weird to all the sudden accept there was no girl, no Savannah Grace, no sassy Proverbs woman I would be giving birth to. Although the ultrasound tech was 100 percent wrong, I believe there was a 100 percent reason why she said that to me.
The more I thought about the hopes and dreams I had for my daughter Savannah Grace the more I realized those hopes and dreams were still there for a woman and that woman was me. My heart is beating, my lungs are breathing, and God is still actively working in me. This blog has been one way I have given this woman God created me to be life. I don’t believe I am becoming but uncovering the sassy Proverbs I am. What do I mean by a sassy Proverbs woman?
I mean a woman who is described in Proverbs so I will share what I believe is the pulse of that chapter. Proverbs 31:25 “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” She is confident in the present and for the future not because of what she has done or can do, but because of what her Creator has done and will do. Where does the sassy part come in? Many believe a Proverbs woman to be submissive, timid, and weak. I believe all Proverbs woman to be sassy meaning they sometimes do what is countercultural and rebellious to this world. Woman who live out God’s word when life is good, bad, and messy. That is what I wanted more than anything for my daughter, and that is what I want for myself and for every woman.
God’s words were not just life giving and true for my “daughter”, and they are not just life giving and true for me. They are for you too. Could it be that I have some sassy Proverbs women reading this post right now? I hope so. I hung out with a few this week and it was amazing.
This weekend I hosted a happy hour yoga party in my backyard. A friend wanted to support the Savannah Grace Shop cause to help support adoptions of orphans with special needs. I never gave yoga much of a chance, but I thought I would give it another one since I was touched that my friend would offer her time and talent for a cause I am passionate about. Yoga was never my thing before because I could not quite settle my mind to relax (should have been a sign that Yoga could benefit me). Yesterday my friend and yoga instructor kept reminding us to breathe. It may seem silly at first of why someone would have to remind someone to breathe since it is something we have to do to live. But I noticed that almost every time Stacey reminded us to breathe I wasn’t breathing. I was holding my breath while holding a pose. Stacey also at one point encouraged us to let go of any negative thoughts.
Now I had a pretty frustrating situation the day before which left me feeling disrespected and taken advantage of. As Stacey for about the fourth time reminded us to breathe and I am hearing and seeing God’s creation all around me, my inner voice almost cut her off and said “Be still and know that I am God.” I was hearing that over and over. The situation that happened was not in my control and the more I tried to take control the more frustrating it became. I realized I had never taken the time to just breathe yesterday and be still and know that He is God. I do have choices and abilities, but I will never be able to control others.
If the ultrasound tech had been right and I had a daughter who was all worked up from a situation that left her feeling disrespected, lied to or lied about, taken advantage of, or heartbroken I would have wanted to tell her what Stacey reminded me of yesterday.
Let go of negative thoughts.
I would want to tell her “Babygirl breathe, inhale the love and grace of your Heavenly Father and exhale with the power of His words and promises. Let go of all that negativity. Do what is in your control and give the rest to God. And then breathe again.” It is what I did yesterday, and it was a game changer. Maybe if I explained the situation people would think I should rant about the situation or tell this person off otherwise I am being weak and letting them look like they are right. Well this is where that sass comes from.=) People can think what they want. I am good. More than good actually. I am at peace.
Today as I reflect on yesterday I am so thankful for the reminders to:
Be still and know that He is God
And to never underestimate a Proverbs Woman, especially a sassy one.